By Tak Landrock
t.landrock@krdo.com

COLORADO SPRINGS - Former New Life Church Pastor Ted Haggard is breaking his silence two-years after a sex scandal forced him out of his job.

This past weekend at the Open Bible Fellowship church in Morrison, Illinois, Haggard issued a series of apologies to members of his former church and his family. 

"The first thing I want you to know is that I sinned," Haggard told members of the Church. "I really did sin. And I'm very, very sorry that I sinned."

Haggard spoke about his family and how they were treated after news got out about his alleged affair with former gay prostitute Mike Jones. "My wife - all my sin and shame fell on her. People treated her as if she had fallen. And my children...they all went through carrying my shame.  And I'm so sorry that I did that to my family."

Haggard also admitted to contemplating suicide at his lowest time in life. "There came a moment in my life when we were so alone and there was so much despair that I was suicidal. And I'd figured out how I was gonna kill myself and rid the world of the horrible curse of Ted Haggard."

He now says with the help of God, and his wife, Gayle, who has stayed with him, he's been transformed. "I'm a stronger Christian than I've ever been in my life." Haggard adds, "I have a stronger marriage than I've ever had in my life."

Close family friend, Kurt Serpe sat down with NEWSCHANNEL 13, and watched the tapes, which aired Wednesday on Good Morning America. He was shocked to learn about Haggard's thought of suicide. "I can't believe what he's going through in the past couple of years with himself, his family and the church," says Serpe.

Haggard also spoke about the source of his behavior, saying he was abused while in the second grade. "My dad was pretty successful, he had a lot of workers. One of
those workers had a sexual experience with me. I was seven years old."

That experience, he said, came back to haunt him when he'd reached prominence as a nationally known evangelical leader. "It's terrible to hear what he had to go through at the age of seven," says Serpe.

Chris Byrd, Pastor of Open Bible Fellowship Church, told NEWSCHANNEL 13 that he invited Ted and Gayle to spend time with the congregation. He met Haggard when they both went to Oral Roberts University 35-years ago.

"We've been connected through this ordeal and crisis, so we've been relating to each other as friends and family," says Byrd. "I've seen him at his low times and his high times, he's doing real well at this point."  Byrd adds that Haggard's family is doing great and trying to build a new future.

Speculation is that Haggard wants to start a new church; it's something Serpe thinks could happen. "I think people would go to this church and I will tell you, personally, I would go mainly because of moral support."

New Life Church on the other hand isn't to pleased with Haggard's sermon. In a statement issued to NEWSCHANNEL 13, the curch says, "While we cannot endorse his return to vocational ministry, we do wish him only success in his business endeavors." The reference to his business endeavors refers to Haggard's insurance business.